Thursday, July 5, 2012

Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of Skunks

Now and then, it's worth all the attendant annoyance of Facebook just to be part of a good string when you have the right friends participating.  I think that transcribing a few favorites over is a nice, lazy man's way to fill up some blog space.

Here's one.

Man vs. Skunk- Day 2 A man can only take so much! I mean, I've done my best. I've tried to reason with it but it's fought me at every turn. This is the second time the little bastard has gone off next to the house, infusing the basement with that special aroma which quickly circulated through the house. Last time, one fell into a window well. Oh, that was fun! Never again! 

Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of Skunks!! I need a cunning plan...

  • Sandy- try candles-baking soda in the carpet and vaccuum-how about a ozone machine> lol< so sorry dennisSeptember 22, 2010 at 6:46pm · Like

  • Dennis Harris Since ammonia soaked rags, filling in the access holes and sending strongly worded letters (anonymously) hadn't worked, I had to move on to stronger methods. This being me, of course, you pretty much know where this is going. Embracing my inner Elmer Fudd, I went straight to the Home Center to arm myself with mothballs and poison smoke bombs.September 22, 2010 at 6:48pm · Like

  • Dennis Harris Now, instead of a house that smells like skunk, I have a house that smells like skunk, mothballs and poison smoke bombs. The basment is uninhabitable and the cats are huddled together, desperately trying to dial Staci's cell number....

    Sadly, I know how this cartoon usually ends. I see myself standing in a scorched blast zone where my home used to be; nothing but a roasted caricature in shredded underwear, holding a single spent match, totally smoke-blackened except for, in a triumph of 40's era bad taste, my enormous white lips and wide, surprised eyes.

    Somewhere off camera, a skunk laughs mockingly...

    Smurfette will be home Friday. Can I crash on someone's couch for a couple weeks? September 22, 2010 at 6:49pm · Like ·
  • Denise-  Play a radio where he is. My inlaws had one that kept coming around and the radio actually worked. Seriously try it!September 22, 2010 at 7:13pm · Like

  • Dennis Harris I tried the radio thing but he'd keep changing it to soft jazz in the middle of the night. 3 hours of Kenny G and I gave up on it as a bad job. Skunk's clever; too clever.September 22, 2010 at 8:29pm · Like

  • Dennis Harris I have, though, come up with a cunning plan for when Smurfette returns on Friday. I'm cooking up a welcome-home dinner of fried fish and cabbage with lots & lots of garlic. I may have to burn it a bit but it should keep her distracted till morning. That's when she'll probably get suspicious, though, upon being confronted with limburger pancakes... Suggestions?September 22, 2010 at 8:38pm · Like
  • Bill Harris Sr. I know a guys what knows a badger ....see .... $500.00 and this skunk (what skunk? I don't know nuthin' about no skunk) has a little "accident" on Rt. 45 . (I hear there was rabies involved! Too bad!) Nuf said lemme know.September 22, 2010 at 9:11pm · Unlike · 1
  • Glen McAfee Just mention an old girlfriend stayed over one night this week and spilled some unknown substance. Trust me, the subject of a possible skunk will never come up.September 23, 2010 at 12:16am · Like
  • Robert Secco Are you sure it's a skunk? A buddy of mine thought he had a skunk living under his deck, but in reality it was just a bunch of chipmunks smoking some really expensive weed. That little discovery also cleared up the mystery of his missing Cheetos and hearing the faint sound of reggae music all night.September 23, 2010 at 11:10am · Like

  • Dennis Harris Well, I can see from the footprints in the corn starch I scattered around the
    bird feeder that the skunk is alive and well.


    I'm wondering, then, what the hell I gassed yesterday.

  • I keep getting these horrific mental images of a dark and silent "Fraggle Rock"...

    September 23, 2010 at 3:42pm · Like
  • Robert Secco Have you considered using black spray paint to make one of your white cats look like a comely skunk vixen so as to entice the little bugger out of his lair? History has taught us that it worked numerous times on Pepe Le Pew, so it might be worth a shot.September 23, 2010 at 4:49pm · Like

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