Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Litterbox of the Damned!!!

Another favorite old thread from Facebook; and one of Bob Secco's finest hours...

The Cat is now radioactive...

Following radiation treatment, we have to keep her isolated from the other cats for a week, carefully package and dispose of her glowing poop and pet her only with a stuffed mitten attached to a stick.

Of course, I'm trying to decide how to employ radioactive tabby-turds to terrorize and subjugate the good citizens of Vernon Hills.

I'll be needing a really cool super-villain name, some costume suggestions and a plausible flowchart for most effective utilization of deadly cat muffins.
Bob, you start...December 14, 2010 at 7:25pm · Unlike · 1

Dennis Harris ‎...and remember, "Senor Bag-o-Crap" is a Mexican wrester name and is already taken.December 14, 2010 at 7:26pm · Like

Dennis Harris The cat has a runaway thyroid and has dropped to 4 lbs. RadioCat in Arlington Heights specializes in radioactive cat thyroid ablation. (Apparently thyroid ablation is popular among cats, just behind bulimia and cutting themselves...) It's spendy but Staci won't accept my proffered addendum to Shroedinger's famous thought experiment ( I call it the "Cat Disposability Postulate...)December 15, 2010 at 7:32pm · Like

Dennis Harris At any rate this should fix her and will remove the need for chasing her down twice a day to stuff pills down her. She's smarter than me and can fake accepting medication like a tiny, well-groomed Amy Winehouse. We keep finding the pills later on, usually in my shoes or on my toothbrush.December 15, 2010 at 7:35pm · Like · 1

Dennis Harris After all this brouhaha, though, we'd better get at least another 5 years out of her or I'm going to have her stuffed and mounted and keep her around like Roy Rogers did with Trigger.December 15, 2010 at 7:36pm · Like

Dennis Harris I seem to remember hearing, at the time, that Dale Evans also wanted to be stuffed and mounted, though not necessarily in that order...December 15, 2010 at 7:37pm · Like · 1

Staci Tull Harris Torture is finally getting your very affectionate cat back from 3 very long days away from us (for radiation treatment)... only to have to keep telling her "I'm so sorry. You're still glowing. I can't hold you, or pet you for 2 weeks. I can only look at you!" The looks she is giving are killing me (not to mention the constant meowing all night long outside our closed bedroom door)!
December 17, 2010 at 12:34pm Like

Brion Davis Thompson- I don't know if I could do it!December 17, 2010 at 12:40pm · Like · 1

Robert Secco Sure you could, Brion. The hard part would be breaking into their house so you could get close enough to their closed bedroom door to start meowing. (I'm not sure why you'd want to do it, but it could be done!)December 17, 2010 at 1:16pm · Unlike · 4

Robert Secco And as for you, Staci, you want to hug your kitty even though she's radioactive, yet when Dennis gets a little too "gassy", you have no qualms about locking him in the basement for the evening. For shame!!!December 17, 2010 at 1:24pm · Like · 1

Dennis Harris Bob, that was the best reply to the best set-up line in memory. You must still be basking in the afterglow...December 18, 2010 at 5:35pm · Like · 1

Bill Harris Sr. I had the thyroid ablation done, myself. While I was radioactive, Carolyn made me sleep in the basement by the water heater. My meowing got so loud that the neighbors called animal control and they shot me. Fortunately I was able to create a protective bubble around myself at the last minute. Carolyn finaly let me back into the bedroom after she couldn't get me to stop levitating outside the bedroom window. Sadly when the radioactivity wore off, so did my powers. It takes a week or so ....... until then I would be very afraid .... I'd hide the car keys ...
December 18, 2010 at 12:12am · Unlike · 4

Dennis Harris    The Cat is now back home... 

Smurfette and I have been observing her for any signs of radiation induced mutant superpowers.

It actually appears that she's developed some low level psychic mind control abilities over the other cats. She's sitting under the Christmas tree perfectly still, eyes unblinking, making an eerie keening sound as Abbey totters back and forth in a zombie-like state constructing a tiny, grisly pyramid of mouse skulls to honor her."

At the same time, Attila is standing there with a confused, scared look on her face as she repeatedly slaps herself. Sad how easily their tiny, simple minds are controlled.    December 16, 2010 at 9:50pm · Like

Dennis Harris   Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go cash out my 401K and buy squeaky toys...  December 16, 2010 at 9:51pm · Like · 1

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